Losing It
by Spice of Life
Summary: "What am I?" Danny asked himself. He was determined to find out. One shot.


Okay, I actually got the idea for this fic in about December, but I've just now wrote it, lol. I wrote this song _Just So I Know_ specifically for this fic, but I couldn't really fit it all in, so…

Well, anyways, it's kind of OC for Danny, but it's just a brain hatch I had one night that wouldn't go away. Damn those brain hatches!

So yeah, please review, I hope you all like it! I WILL MAKE YOU CRY YET, SIS:)

**Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom, or anything having to do with the show. I do however own the song in this (not like you'd want it).**

Please review, I worked hard on this one, lol. And no flames either! I'll just eat them and laugh at them. Err….laugh at them and eat them…or maybe laugh at them while eating them…

…One or the other :)

…

Danny Phantom stared at himself in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his snow-white hair and sighed deeply. _'What are you?'_ Valerie had asked him. And he had no idea what to tell her. Not that it had mattered at the time, but…now that he thought about it…

What _was_ he? He was part ghost, part boy…the halfa. He didn't have a full claim on either side…he wasn't a human anymore, but he wasn't a ghost. He was stuck in the middle. The halfa.

He gazed into the mirror at the piercing emerald eyes that stared back at him. He was surprised to see they were filled with an emotion he couldn't recognize. He touched his pale white face with his long fingers, only to discover they were ice cold…as cold as…_death. _

He exhaled out in the direction of the mirror, but raised his eyebrows to find no trace of his breath on the glass. He exhaled again into his hand, and was surprised to find no warmth coming out of his mouth.

He sunk into his bed as he turned back into Danny Fenton.

_Mhmm_

_Yeah_

_Just so I know_

_That If I try_

_I can let myself go_

He lifted up his shirt carefully, wincing as it rubbed up against his newest wound. From his position on his bed her looked back into the mirror, his thin stomach cratered with wounds and cuts. His fresh wound stood out most of all, a giant angry red slash across his abdomen, courtesy of some new ghost with far better powers then he possessed. He traced his fingers along its path, silently wondering if it was deep enough to need stitches or not. Luckily Sam and Tucker had been able to make it stop bleeding…but when Sam had recommended he go to the hospital, he had flown off without another word. It had been a hard journey back home, but he had made it.

He stood up again, and paced back and forth, kicking his dirty shirt aside. He'd have to throw it away so his mother didn't question the large blood stain on it. He reached inside his dresser and pulled out another shirt, and slipped it back other his head, groaning a bit as the fabric touched his wound.

_Losing control, oh_

_Losing control, oh yeah_

_Losing control…_

_'What are you?'_ The question kept repeating over and over in his mind as he paced faster across the floor. His mind was swirling trying to find an answer he was happy with for the question. But there was none.

He stared into the mirror, suddenly hating the face that was staring back at him. He suddenly grabbed at his black hair, yanking at it and messing it up. After a few seconds he lowered his hands, having no idea why he had done that. Maybe he was losing control of himself.

He gazed intently at the person in the mirror. And in a moment of rage, his fist flew out and made contact with the glass. Before he even realized he had done it, the shards of glass separated and fell onto his dresser with a loud crack.

And he was even more surprised afterwards when he realized it hasn't hurt one bit.

_I feel like this beast is taking over me_

_That I'm not really here anymore_

_But if I try and let go of myself_

_It might come out_

_I might find myself again_

And then another thought hit him. Ghosts were already dead, weren't they? Well, if he was half ghost…did that mean that…he was already dead? Or even immortal? Would he have to live forever?

He was glad no one else was home. He wasn't sure what he would have done if his parents or Jazz had walked in on him in his current state, laying crying and broken on the bedroom floor. He had no idea what was wrong with him. Maybe he was going insane. But he was losing it, and he knew it.

_Oh, oh, oh_

Could he die? Would he be able to die? The new thought echoed through his mind, and it scared him more then anything ever had before. What if he had to live forever? He couldn't handle that, he knew. He couldn't even handle life now for crying out loud!

As the terror of the new thought seized him, he decided on something. He was not going to live the rest of his life, however long it was, wondering if one day he would die or not. He would find out…right now.

_Just so I know_

_That when I'm gone_

_I will be able to find myself_

_Just so I know_

_That I cannot live forever_

'_Cuz it's my weakness that did me in_

_Never will I feel pain again_

_Just so I know_

_That it's possible_

_For me to let go_

He went out of his room, and into Jazz's room. He searched through her things until he found what he was looking for—a razor blade. For a few moments he paused. '_Am I really going to do this?_' he asked himself, but in an instant he knew the answer. He _had _to do it.

Closing her door behind him, he made his way back into his room. Sliding onto the floor, he closed his eyes in a moment of silence. _'Should I write a note?'_ He thought to himself, and then realized that might be a good idea.

_I keep on running _

_But I can't get away_

_It's controlling me_

_I'm falling in too deep_

Grabbing a piece of paper from on his computer desk, he began to write in careless print.

_'To whoever reads this,_

_I'm sorry. I had to do it. Mom, dad, and Jazz, if you're reading this…there's something I want you to know…'_

As he wrote the letter, he sighed deeply. Life had really come to this? He guessed it had, and for some reason…he really wasn't very scared. He realized then that the only reason he was afraid of was if he was still alive after all this…

_'Sam and Tucker, I'm really sorry. Thanks so much for being there for me and for being the best people I knew. You're the only ones that understood me, and I'm sorry I never confided in you like you did me. Take care of yourselves.'_

He had explained to his parents and Jazz about him being ghost, and how none of this was their fault. They were the best parents he knew, and the only ones he would have wanted. He told Jazz how much he loved her for all the advice and care she had ever given him. He told Tucker he would always be his best friend, and he told Sam he loved her…

And when the letter was finally over, he signed it with the best handwriting he could manage.

'_Love…Danny.' _He finished, a few tears leaking out of his eyes and blurring the letters on the paper.

_I am lost inside myself_

_But I know how I can bring it out_

_I can do just one thing_

_Ready set go let's begin_

It was so clichéd. The loner, the loser…laying there broken and sobbing…still a loser, and there was nothing better for him to look forward to.

So he pushed the razor blade against the pale under skin of his wrists without a second thought. Trickles of blood ran down his arm, droplets clinging to each other. It didn't hurt one bit, he realized. After all the pain he had endured during his life…it didn't hurt at all. It was a sweet release.

_I have had about all I can take_

_This is the end for me_

_I'm through with this shitty life_

_God has given me_

_Now I'm about to break_

_But I know just what to do_

_I'm gonna' make sure that I_

_Find myself again_

And as he sliced his arm, the razor running downwards, he let out a single sob as the veil of blackness covered his eyes, and at last he found his peace.

_Just let me take myself away_

_Oh, oh_

_Just let me see what it feels like_

_To lay myself to rest_

_And forever be_

_At peace with myself_

_But it's just so I know_

_That if I try_

_I can let myself go_

…

The faces at the funeral were anything but peaceful and calm. Such angst and sorrow were etched across the faces of everyone attending; a happy thought could not have survived in that sea of heartbreak.

Jazz's face was no longer a mask of pep and hope, as it was distorted by the swollen eyes and the red blotches patched on her face, and her hollow voice held no more emotion as it once had.

Tucker's eyes didn't gleam anymore, and his red hat was forever lodged into the back of his closet, as he swore never to wear it again. His dark skin was specked with unwashed tears, his face a depressed frown.

And Sam, who vowed never again to love anyone, and only spoke to Tucker. Her eyes were as well red pools of water, waterfalls cascading from them until the well was dry.

_I'm a loser to myself_

_A big disgrace_

_I lost myself_

_Gone without a trace_

_But soon I'm gonna' know_

_If I'm still in there_

_Somewhere waiting_

_To be let free_

And as the youth of his time stood there all silently, all bowing their heads in prayer, a single clasp of fog drifted through the air, blue as the ocean. Only two souls noticed the mist as it floated around them, and disappeared into the death filled air.

"It was him." Sam said quietly, and smiled for the first time in the past week. Tucker nodded his head in agreement, as his head filled with the sound of his friend's voice.

As the preacher spoke, the sobs of many decked the October air, dancing around until the sounds combined into ghastly music. He spoke of all the good times, the happy times…

_Just so I know_

_That when I'm gone_

_I will be able to find myself_

_Just so I know_

_That I cannot live forever_

'_Cuz it's my weakness that did me in_

_Never will I feel pain again_

_Just so I know_

_That it's possible_

_For me to let go_

As the rain started to pour down, the procession slowly made its way into the church. The water ran down their faces, mixing with the salty spray of their eyes. It washed the letters of Danny's gravestone, his final tears springing to life.

And in his grave, Danny Phantom lay awake, while Danny Fenton slept.


End file.
